I have been feeling a lot of pressure lately.
Pressure to potty train.
Pressure to take away the binky.
Pressure to get Rem ready for an ivy league preschool.
Pressure to dress him in nicer clothes.
Pressure to dress myself in nicer clothes.
Pressure to be a size 4.
Pressure to have longer, silkier hair.
Pressure to have the "right" friendships.
Pressure to be a perfect mormon.
I am trying.
I would love to not have to change poopy diapers.
I have taken the binky away and had him weaned multiple times. That little sneak keeps finding them.
I would love if he sat and wanted to learn colors, numbers, shapes and algebra as an active two year old.
I would to feel like spending 20 dollars on a classy shirt for my messy two year old was feasible.
I would love to not get boogers on my own clothes and look nicer on the daily.
I would love to see my daily gym time and clean eating FINALLY show on my body.
I would love to have time every day to blow dry and straighten my super thick hair. But I don't. So I keep it short.
I wouldn't love to have different, more perfect, friends, because the people I keep close, don't make me feel these pressures.
I would love to be your idea of perfect...but I am not.
I go through everyday feeling these enormous pressures, wondering how I can change. Wondering how I can form myself to keep everyone else happy and raise my child how they think he should be raised.
But I had an epiphany this afternoon.
I saw myself in a better light.
A different light.
I saw myself how I think Remington may see me.
And you know what...that little turd hugs and kisses me multiple times a day.
Rems sees me letting him wear comfortable clothes so he gets to play in the dirt without worry. He sees me taking him outside to water the plants - his new favorite thing in the world.
He sees me taking him to the store with his favorite friends to get food and treats.
He sees me walking to the gas station some mornings to let him see his friends and get him a juice.
He sees me making him food - and someday he'll realize it's highly nutritious food.
He sees me as a giant pillow in the bliss of him watching a movie - happily snuggling me the entire time.
He sees me as a constant.
He knows I will never leave and always come back.
He looks to me for play and imagination.
I keep him fed.
I keep him clean.
I keep him safe.
I am up in the night when he's sad.
I am confined to home when he's sick.
I don't go above and beyond.
We don't do daily crafts or learn on a high level.
But I am not failing him.
Sure he digs in the dirt more than he learns the ABC's or to count. But we garden and plant and watch things grow. He has manners and uses them most of the time.
Moms...Look at everything do you do well. You may not be that mom that feels amazing.
But so long as there is love and consistency in your home. YOU. ARE. NOT. FAILING. ANYONE.
Your kids love you and you are amazing. Stop feeling the pressure. Stop listening to criticism.
YOU ARE DOING GREAT THINGS.
Make a list of what you do right. You'll shock yourself.
Today, for me, it was teaching my kid about gardens.
Happy first day of spring, my friends. <3